02.09.04 6:16 pm

New Guy + Me = Pathetic

so yeah. i'm back writing online. i still have my hard copy journal, but i'm gonna put more time into this one since there's a lot of people that i can't talk to on a daily basis that probably care what's up in my life. or they might not . . . BUT that's not the point. i'm gonna write more here. i PROMISE. kinda. jk :o)

i've moved on from Donnie. we've actually managed to stay friends even though he's said a lot of bad stuff about me behind my back and i've said a lot of evil stuff to his face. but it's all good. instead of talking everyday, i call him once a week or so. every now and then he'll call me, but i don't answer so there's a little control with the frequency and it won't be so much a bf/gf thing where we're just sitting on the phone together. i figure if it's important he'll leave a message. i think he's talking to another girl. and in a way i'm mad crazy jealous, but then i think "what the fuck am i jealous of?" he's a craptacular boyfriend. seems all sweet in the beginning and the "cuteness" factor completely catches ya off-guard. and then just turns on ya and everyone around him. it's weird. i'm happy for him though if he does have a new girl. maybe he'll calm down and quit being so paranoid and pessimistic and stuff.

it's funny how i say all of this and had this been a week ago i would be saying something completely different. last Monday i think i was anti-guys period. Wedsnesday was my "hey . . . maybe guys aren't so bad . . . they can be sweeties . . . sometimes" period. and Friday was my "i think i've found my special someone" period. and now . . . i've calmed down. which is definitely good. i met a guy. and when i say met, we literally just met. nothing else. he's in MUS2863 with me and i never noticed him until Friday. i was so mad at myself that i never even knew he was alive until last Friday. yeah, i know i'm pathetic. i don't know if it'll go anywhere, but i would like to at least talk to him again. i didn't even get his name. yep . . . i know. i'm pathetic.

~*BlueStarLoser

i'll write more about him later. gotta go find my sis and go home

current food: none
current music: the hum of the comps and random phones in the BB lab
current mood: