07.20.03 12:07 am

I Need To Talk

there's so much junk in my life right now and it's all just building up. and i don't like talking about it bc it just pisses me off. and when i try to tell my people about it they think i'm "trying to start an argument" or they change the subject or just don't listen to me. all today there's only been two people that have listened to me and i couldn't even tell them everything just bc i didn't want to bother them (Meli and MySweetness . . . thank yall bunches. yeah i know . . . of all people MySweetness listened to me). and most of that stuff isn't bothering me anymore. like it's in the back of my head but i just push it to the side so i won't go crazy and junk.

but right now, my mom is talking about my grandmother and stuff. and yeah . . .it's all just bothering me soooo much. and i want to say it's bothering me. i want to say that she shouldn't be talking about the things that she's talking about. i want to say that the family should be together. i want to say that she shouldn't be trying to put the blame anywhere or bring up any "peices of the mystery". but they'll just say "you're just trying to argue". i hate it. i hate it so much. just bc i disagree doesn't mean i'm trying to argue. even if something happened, i don't think it would help the family by bringing it up. it may seem like everyone should be getting closer and junk, but it's pulling everyone further apart.

maybe something's just wrong with me and my train of thought. i don't agree with my mom on anything. i hardly ever agree with my sisters lately. maybe it's just me. but i feel the same. i don't know. i just want to call everyone and say "i'm not okay". i don't know what's wrong with me. it all hurts. i just want to run away.

BlueStarLoser

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