05.15.03 9:44 pm
Director Retirement
today was my high school band director's last concert and retirement party. he is sooo great. everyone needs a director like him. back then i just liked him bc he was cool and supportive even though i didn't understand what he was getting at when he told us to do certain things. now, i look back and i'm like "wow! that's what he meant! . . . that's how it's supposed to sound . . . that's why he made us do all of that crap . . ." so yeah . . . it was great to see him again. i can't even explain how much i have grown in just one year. like i understood the basics back then, but everything is so much deeper. i think it's the psych side of me coming out.
i don't know. i just look at the whole high school experience and i see myself in the situations and i just think "wtf as i doing?". and i wasn't really doing the wrong thing, i just did the over-dramatic thing. eh . . . i don't know. there's nothing wrong with it entirely, it's just . . . i don't know how to explain it. and i look at everyone else in college and how they were acting and reacting and i . . . don't know. everyone seems the same bc i know them, yet at the same time different. i can't really explain it. sometimes i feel like i'm not part of the system but a spectator. and that's not a bad thing at all. sometimes looking at how the system is without you having a specific place in it but knowing the characters is a good thing. i can't explain it BUT when i can, i'll let ya know. i'm guessing that more people completeing their first year of college feel the same way i do or can relate.
hmm . . . i went to the concert feeling nervous bc i am just an emotional person and i don't like people seeing me cry. and i came out . . . completely different. not different really, but different from the way i thought i would be feeling. hmm . . .i've grown a lot since last year. i noticed that in my sister too. she's COMPLETELY different. not different in her attitude, but different in the way she's built. still the same person, but "different". and sometimes i think people don't realize that and they just assume she's the same, but if you sat down with her and talked to her for even ten minutes you would realize that "hey . . . she's grown a lot". yeah . . . i think the word i need to use instead of "different" and "changed" is "grown". we've grown a lot.
