08.12.03 10:59 pm

Feelin Well

i just don't feel well lately. i don't feel like doing anything and when i do feel like doing something, it's not as great as i thought it would be. i just don't feel well.

i saw MySweetness again today at work. i was coming in . . . he was leaving . . . and he was walkin with some girl. they were kinda far off but it was obvious that he was walking her out to her car or some fucking crap like that. i don't know why i was so upset. or why i'm still upset. it's not like we're dating anymore. i guess it just pisses me off that he has the nerve to call me sweetie on the phone one minute, lie and say he's been "out of town" when i saw him at work, and act like and tell me that he still loves me. it makes me wonder who to ever believe. it's all just a bunch of bullshit. i can't trust any guys anymore and it's like Justin was my last hope and ha . . . it just makes me even more upset thinking about how much faith i had in him and ho wmany other guys i didn't talk to bc i thought me and him could always work things out. and saddest of all, even though i said i loved him but didn't care much for him anymore, i lied. i didn't think i was lying, but today proves it. i'm officially saying goodbye. goodbye to everything i ever have and had with him. even if he comes with some excuse like she needed a ride home or some crap like that.

i guess the funniest thing about it is that he saw me. at first he gave me one of those "wow . . . who is THAT" looks, then the "OMG . . . she's gonna be pissed" looks. the second one probably came from my expression though . . . but whatever. i could tell by the way that he was walking and by his reaction that he felt bad and wanted to come say hey to me. but he didn't. and i have this feeling that it would have been for all the wrong reasons too. i just feel so sick.
current mood: